| With all due respect to Mr. Freud, the only time women | | | | user is still seated. Unfortunately, I startle easily, and this |
| really envy anything about men is while we're waiting in | | | | is NOT a good time to jump. |
| line at a public restroom. | | | | I redress while balancing on my left foot and holding |
| I'm carrying a very large purse and three even larger | | | | the door closed with my right knee. I force myself and |
| shopping bags as I stand in a line twelve feet long. | | | | my belongings back into the corner in order to open |
| From here I have an excellent view of my husband | | | | the door wide enough to LET ME OUT! Then I set my |
| going directly into the men's room. Then I see him | | | | bags down on the floor in front of the sink. It's wet. |
| coming out. My line hasn't moved. This is ENVY. | | | | I've heard one should wash one's hands for as long as |
| When I finally get my turn, I haul my purse and | | | | it takes to sing a relaxed version of Happy Birthday. |
| shopping bags into a stall the size of a pencil box. Did I | | | | Unfortunately the faucet shuts off after three seconds, |
| mention the door opens IN? Soon I'm pinned against | | | | having been designed to save water and prevent |
| the back wall, snug beside the toilet, attempting to | | | | women from singing Happy Birthday in the bathroom. |
| swing the door by my body and my belongings in | | | | I'm determined. I lean on the faucet with my left elbow |
| order to close it. That's when I discover the latch | | | | while I wash my right hand; then I lean on it with my |
| doesn't LATCH. | | | | right elbow while I wash my left hand. I don't feel like |
| I put my purse and shopping bags on the floor--the | | | | singing. |
| FLOOR of a PUBLIC RESTROOM. Then I disrobe | | | | When I finish, my hands may or may not be clean, but |
| while holding the door closed--with MY HEAD! | | | | my pants are soaked. I use the air dryer on both. Then, |
| I'm relieved to find there's paper. And I wouldn't mind | | | | because dryers aren't as fast as towels, I wipe my |
| that it's so thin as to be nearly transparent if the | | | | hands on my shirt. |
| dispenser would release more than one square of it at | | | | I pick up my wet purse and soggy shopping bags and |
| a time. | | | | stumble from the restroom feeling anything but rested, |
| There's a wide variety of flushing mechanisms in public | | | | only to have my husband say, "What took you so |
| restrooms these days. And I've come across the most | | | | long? |
| challenging system of all; the one that flushes while the | | | | |